3 Big Fat Lies that Deserve to Die
Big Fat Lie 1: Your personality is formed and unchangeable by age 5 or 6
Somehow we have accepted the idea that we are complete by age 5 or 6 because some "learned psychologist" said so.
Recent research reveals, however, that our neocortex, the front part of our brain that is responsible for reasoning and decision-making, is still developing well into late adolescence.
I can hear the parents of teens saying "Well, duh!"
If you pause to think about this notion, it really makes little sense, for at least two reasons:
1) It implies that people cannot change, and my 25 years of working with people makes me conclude just the opposite it true.
Although just about every phase of my work life involves talking with people, I am basically a shy person. In high school and college there was a guy in our church who was very friendly to everyone, and just about everywhere we went, he knew someone. Because I admired this, I watched and modeled some of his behavior because my shyness was something I very much wanted to change.
2) If you are 40 years old and everything was formed and complete by age 5, then this implies that you have wasted the last 35 years. I doubt that to be true
Big Fat Lie 2: Time heals all wounds.
We have all heard this one many times. Sounds good, doesn't it?
The problem is that time does not heal all wounds.
The reality is this: all time does is pass.
It's what we do while time is passing that makes the difference.
I've worked with people that have had huge tragedies in their lives, and because of the way they handled it, were doing fairly well relatively soon.
I've also worked with people who have had misfortune in their lives who talk about it as if it were last week when, in fact, it occurred 15 years ago.
They have kept it alive and recent for them.
It's what we do while time passes that makes the difference.
Big Fat Lie 3: The first cut is the deepest
From Rod Stewart to Sheryl Crow, "the first cut is the deepest" has become an accepted myth about relationships.
The first breakup is supposed to be the worst and most difficult. "Isn't this supposed to hurt more?" I've even had teens and adults say, as if there were doing something wrong with not being broken-hearted enough.
The reality is that the deepest cut, or most hurt, comes in the relationships where you have cared, loved and given the most.
The difficult task is to recover enough to, in the words of the song, "try to love again."
It's an important thing to accomplish, otherwise you give the other person way too much power over you.
Visit SecretsofGreatRelationships.com for tips and tools for creating and growing a great relationship. You can also subscribe to our f*r*e*e 10 day e-program on how to enrich your relationship today, from relationship coach and expert Jeff Herring.
 Continue for more related information:
|
| RELATED RESULTS: |
|
| |
Flight Delay
Direct Answers - Column for the week of October 6, 2003
... Your Inner Wisdom -- Crouching Ego, Hidden Guru
Wouldn't it be nice if you had a spiritual counselor that traveled everywhere with you, answering all your questions ... Playing with Matches
Matches are all about power; a new world opens up when you strike a match and see it burst into flames.
... Anamcara - The Blessing of Peace
"Come out of thecircle of time andinto the circle of love."
... A Reason For Living in a Nutshell
In brief, my book A REASON FOR LIVING is the product of a sustained effort to answer in the most enlightening and inspiring way thi... Directions For Life
Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully.Memorize your favorite poem.Don't believe all you hear, spend all you have or sleep all you... On Track
Direct Answers - Column for the week of January 27, 2003
... Change
Those of you, who can fathom yourselves welcoming and enjoying a big, major change in your life right now, raise your hands! When I say, change, it might be a... Meatballs: Friend, or Foe?
We all have those moments, don't we? We're right in the middle of a project, and it's simply not going well.
... 5 Things That Americans Can Do To Remember Reviving, Surviving and Thriving in the Wake of Sept 11
For those people who lost friends and loved ones in the September 11... |
|